5.2: Working With The Mind
Excerpted from Ashana:
Feelings serve an important purpose. Mainly, they help us make decisions.That sense of dread you feel before starting on something new suggests that maybe it won’t really be successful as a venture and your energy might be more productive spent elsewhere. Anxiety helps you keep an eye out for potential pitfalls, so that you can plan a response to them or ways to avoid…
I remember the shame I felt after the news
of the illness that I was not as lovable
as I thought. I must have done something
wrong. And then
I was content in my disappointment
which kept me alone. It was a kind of courage
that allowed me to go on without comfort.
It was a kind of beauty when there was no one
I wanted near.
Jason Shinder, in “Looking for Ohio”:
I have to grind down the lead of my disappoint
into a smaller and smaller complaint
5: On Writing
If there is no cure, I still want to correct a few things
and think mostly of people, and have them all alive.
I want a door opening in me that I can enter
and feel the clarity of evening and the stars beginning.
One after another, I want my mistakes returning
and to approach them on a beach like a man
for whom there is no division between on way or another.
My most faithful…
Addendum 5: Working With The Mind
Excerpted from a post by Ashana that resonated with me:
…I’m also realizing that this points to a need to change my sense of what the goal of all of this needs to be: it is not to feel any particular way. It isn’t to feel good about myself or about my life. It isn’t to feel hopeful. The goal is to be able to accept what is.
I need to mourn my losses. I need to be able to cope with the extreme…
Addendum 4: Working With The Mind
I know denial doesn’t work. Tuning out and distraction have their important uses, but they’re not the whole solution. One of the other parts is about being able to tolerate my emotions.
It’s pointless to wish to stop being angry or frustrated about my physical disability. I hope the anger and frustration lessen with time, but I can’t force it. I can only do my best to take care of myself in…
Addendum: On Disappointment
Again, from Ashana:
There are things you need to do in order to recover when you have been traumatized. This takes time and energy you can’t spend on other pursuits. Further, abuse affects how we think and behave, and so it impacts how well we can function in work and relationships. These areas often suffer.
Because life does not proceed in distinct segments—it is continuous—the impact from the…
Addendum 4: On Writing
Poetry became my scaffolding of self as I moved through divorce into single motherhood. What I could not tolerate, I could witness. Grace became an invention of image and language. Poem by poem, I wrote myself from broken to healing to whole.
From Ashana (bolds are mine):
I have been meditating on the idea of disappointment.
This started a few weeks ago. There was a holiday at that point, and this meant a public celebration and two days off from school. On Sunday night, the texts began to come in. “How was your weekend?” And the teachers placed elsewhere in Country X told me of what exciting, wonderful things they had done. I, well,…